Immortalization

Apparently, someone has turned me into a serial murderer/pervert.

Power Rankings Part 2

6. GhettoBoys
It'll be interesting to see what comes of T-Mac's career in the upcoming three years. I can't see Yao sticking around in Houston after this season--there are just too many other places outside of the state of Texas where he could become an even bigger star than he is (and hopefully his agent will recognize that Yao will never be a 27/15 guy with Jeff Van Gundy running the show. REally, the best possible bet would be for him to go to Cleaveland to take Big Z's spot...). Yao's departure would give TMac the freedom to regain his status as the worst player to ever lead the league in scoring. Courtesy of TNT, I've watched quite a few Rockets games this year, and I'm just stunned at how much McGrady fucks up an offensive set. He doesn't set picks, he doesn't hustle and the only way he can score in the half-court is on awkward 15 foot pull up jumpers.

Franchise had problems with Van Gundy's system, but that was just because it was antithetical to the up-and-down player he is. Now that he's in a system that caters to his strengths, he's winning and contributing. I can't see McGrady ever contributing to a winning team, he's too selfish and too stupid, only plays defense when he has a personal vendetta against the opposing player and has absolutely no heart. He's the anti-Artest.

For Travis to make the move into the top 3 spots, the Sonics are going to have to finish 70-12. Ray Allen and Rashard Lewis are both producing out of their minds so far, and this has done helped to counterbalance the fact that Air Canada has decided to call it a career. If Vinsanity lands in Portland, though, and starts playing hard to get to Blazers to that 6th or 7th playoff spot, if T-Mac turns it around, then Travis might, might, might not finish in the bottom half of the league. Realistically, however, a frontcourt of Kurt Thomas, Rasho and Juwon Howard is not going to get it done.

7. Danger Sluts
Before the season started, Amare, Bron-Bron, Melo and DWade got together and made a bet over who would be the first to win the MVP. They named their little posse, the Young Gunzzz. Unless things get turned around, I'm going to write to Bron-Bron and plead for him to change the name of the click to "The No Chris Bosh Club." He's the missing guy in that list, the big rookie who now matches George Lynch's production. (As an aside, George Lynch will always have a spot in my list of top 5 favorite Carolina players. Currently, he is in the #4 spot behind 1. Rashweed 2. Rashad McCants 3. Antawawan Jamison 4. George Lynch 5. Raymond Felton.)

Really, who before the season started, didn't think that Bosh was going to go for at least 17/7? He's on a team that has to rely on Jalen Rose's scoring to stay in games and shares rebounding duties with Matt Bonner (I couldn't find a photo of a gay leprauchan to link to Matt Bonner's name.). I have no idea what's wrong with the guy, why he can't step it up a notch. He seems bright, motivated and uninjured, but he consistenly plays 35 minutes and puts up 5 shots.

Kobe Bryant and AI are #1 and #5 in turnovers. Kobe's averaging 4.7, AI is averaging 4.1. The effect that this has on my turnover standings is similar to what Ben Wallace and Shaq would do to a team's FT%.

The Ben Wallace suspension and Marcus Camby's off-again-on-again minutes have led me to the worst big-man desperation of my fantasy career. Reggie Evans, he of the 4 points, 9 rebounds a game, started for two straight weeks. PJ Brown was brought in to take over Sprewell's spot when the latter was still pouting and only shooting 3 pointers, and Chris Wilcox has been a steady declining presence.

Anyway, point being, it looks like another long fantasy season for me. AI and Kobe are both maxing out their potential, Wilcox will see increasingly less minutes unless he gets traded to Washington or some other terrible team, and Sam Mitchell is going to shoot Jalen Rose by the All Star break. Generally at this point in the fantasy season, you can look at players who are underachieving or in bad situations that they might get traded out of and hope for the best. There are no such situations on this team.

8. Hoopsters
I've got to say that I like everyone on Roy's team. In fact, I'll go as for as to say that 5 of his players (Yao, GP, Grant Hill, Ricky Davis and Carlos Arroyo) are personal favorites. This makes it hard for me to predict the gloom-and-doom that usually accompany my assessments of Roy's teams. So, I'll say here that I believe that Roy will finish this season in a respectable position. Only a Grant Hill ankle explosion, Carlos Boozer fade-out and the deportation of Yao could keep him from finishing out of the cellar.

Step it up, Ben Gordon.

9. Kevin Park- I won't comment on this team.

10. Sharavjamts Allstars
Is the name change behind the precipitous fall in the rankings? Is it the months spent away from ESPN? Whatever the problem with Mags' team this season, it's not going to get much better. AK 47 is going to be out a couple of months and with him goes the base for 5-6 categories. There really isn't a more across-the-board productive player in the league.

For the NBA's sake, I hope that Jason Kidd gets traded to the Mavs. That team has always been a superstar away from making the leap to the top of the Western Conference. Who wouldn't want to see a Suns/Mavs series? IT would be like watching the 2001 Duke team playing this year's Carolina team--lightning quick point guards, shooters all over the court and athletic guys flying at the rim.


Finally, I'm going to go out on a limb and predict that the PACERS are going to get to the NBA Finals. IF they can just stay afloat till the arbitrator shortens Steven Jackson and JO's suspensions and grab a top 4 seeding in the East, I think that they'll bond together and win the East for Crazy Ron. With the Pistons looking more and more like a fluke, the Pacers are still the second best team in the conference, even without Artest.

Anyway...

Fantasy Power Rankings Week of December 8th

Welcome to the premiere edition of the New Power Rankings. Hopefully, the added options that blogspot gives me over the Yahoo Message board will enhance our league's chatter.

1. Ready to Die- Paul, please change the name. You've used a rap-influenced name for the past three seasons now. I'm tired of it. Especially this season, when you've easily got the best team. Barring massive injuries or more season-long suspensions, PMin's team should cruise through the season in first place. Stoudamire, Tinsley and Ginobili have made career jumps- there's no reason to think that their production will drop off.

'Mek has been throwing up 19-10 numbers the past couple of weeks, and Dwight Flanders has been a double-double all season long. What has changed over the past 5 years that rookies, especially high school kids and 1-and-dones can come in and be so instantly successful? Is it just coincidence that 6 guys in their first 3 years are either All Stars or MVP candidates? Perhaps.

Oh, and Paul also has Kevin Garnett.

2. Marriage is Sacred- The backcourt is Gilberto, Andre Miller and Rip Hamilton. The frontcourt is Kung Pau Gasol, Austin Croshere and the Matrix. The Centers are Eddy Masaman Curry and Mark Blount. Have there ever been as many mid-level exception guys on one team? More 1 time all stars? How this team is contending, I have no idea. I guess Peja has come around somewhat and Gilberto can put up BDiddy numbers, but I'm skeptical that a team so full of stop-gap solutions can actually contend for one of the top three spots.

The I-Have-More-Free-Time factor has not been enough for Goldwyn to make it into the top of half either of the past two fantasy seasons, but this year it seems to be all that's keeping Marriage is Sacred near the top of the leaderboard. Over the course of a season, the Free Time factor loses some of its impact as playing rotations are solidified.

3. Poo Buttass- Here are the questions facing Poongie's team in the upcoming months.
a) Will Chris Webber's back/knees/feet hold up? Will he be able to continue his productiveness, even if the Kings look to be mired in about the 6 spot in the West? (no. He'll get hurt by February)
b) Will Bron-Bron keep up his MVP numbers? (Yes.)
c) Will Big Z's foot not explode by mid-January? (PK)
d) Can a team stay in the top 4 spots with a frontcourt that features Kyle Corver, Pavlo Brezec and Keith Van Horn? (No.)

For those who don't know, the rumor around Chapel Hill is that Jeff McInnis left early for the NBA draft because he got caught sleeping with Phil Ford's wife. Carolina usually throws a small party/press conference for the players who skip town for the draft, but for McInnis, the Athletic Department only released a statement in the press.

As for Phil Ford, he went on to join Larry Brown on the Piston's bench. Most recently Phil ws seen in the brown suit, jumping on the fat Pistons fan that got punched by Artest and JO.

4. Haywood Jablomi- Gulotta had Artest, which means that he lost 25 points, 6 rebounds, 3 assists and a bunch of steals. Expect this team to start floundering once Bobby Simmons comes back down to earth. He has no business averaging 16 a game.

Al Harrington is just as valuable as Pau Gasol this year. This makes 2 seasons straight where everyone's "sleeper" (last year was Zach Randolph) has actually worked out. Is that a record? I can't think of a single other instance when the big sleeper pick EVER worked out. Joe Crede? Eric Snow? Jeremy Giambi?

Gulotta's stay near the top is completely the result of a screwy scoring system where FT% counts for 10 points, but FG% is irrelevant. Gulotta is near the top in 3PTM, steals, turnovers and assists. Given that the only help he has coming to him is BDiddy's 20 game season, I'll go ahead and say that- barring a massive trade that would bring some big men-- Gulotta won't do well enough in rebounds, blocks and points to stay near the top.

5. Union 38 All Stars- At the beginning of the season, I picked Wal-Mart's team to finish in the top 3, but through a month of the season, it's become quite obvious that Ryan's never going to quite be able to solve the issue of underachieving players.

a) Paul Pierce- he needs to be putting up 25-26 a game. Right now, he's at 22 and isn't shooting the 3 ball as well as he has in the past.
b) Kenyon Martin- Rough start in Denver with too many power forwards clogging the paint and a shoot-first point guard in Andre Miller. Actually, I think that Denver should just tank the season and pick up Jarret Jack or Ray Felton in the next draft. They desperately need a running, passing point guard to get Carmelo and Martin some easy shots.
c) Shaq- the biggest disappointment of them all. 20-11 makes him just one step up from Emeka Okafor. If Shaq was putting down 30 and 15, Wal Mart would be in first place right now. I honestly don't know why Shaq isn't putting up those numbers, I guess that he needs another month or so to acclimate to the offense.