Pizza Bagels

At the Milano Market on 113th Street, I can get 3 bagels for $1. Last week, as part of the new D'Ag Awards Card Program, the shithole grocery store in my neighborhood was selling jars of Classico Marinara Sauce for $2. At the deli around the corner, a half-pound (about 12 slices) of decent Provolone goes for $2.50. When all these combine together, they result in a tasty lunch that costs me about 50 cents. Unfortunately, I toasted them too long today.

I have switched shampoos to Pert Plus.

And to put to rest a great debate, the Kids News episode of the Simpsons was the greatest episode of all times (to use Cassius Clay's vernacular...), barely edging out Deep Space Homer. By the time Kids News aired , the writers of the show had realized that sticking to one plot line throughout the thirty minutes limited the number of funny moments you could fit into one show. These days, each Simpsons episode has at least two, sometimes three distinct plot lines running through it. Although it is arguable that limiting the face time alloted to each character has lessened the appeal of each character, I believe that the split story can work- at least when used in moderation. Indeed, although a majority of the most memorable episodes- Monorail, Burns' Casino, I Choo-Choo-Choose You, Homer Goes to College- follow the one story scheme, this does not necessarily mean that the two-story scheme is doomed to failure. Instead, one can point to the lack of good writers writing in that medium as the culprit. The poor product does not necessarily indict inherent flaws in the form.

As an example, the Red Sox of two seasons ago headed into the season with a bullpen by commitee made up of Alan Embree, Chad Fox, Ramiro Mendoza, Mike Timlin and some douchebag that I can't remember. There was not one legitimate closer amongst them, not even a legit 8th inning guy, and yet when they got lit up, people blamed the bullpen-by-committee idea instead of the complete lack of good pitching. Again, people engaged in fallacious logic by criticizing the idea, when it was in fact the implementors that were at fault.

Which brings me finally back around to Kid's News. For those who don't remember, this episode followed two distinct plots
a) Homer buys a helper monkey to help him steal donuts and to do chores around the house. The monkey is named Mojo
b) Bart and Lisa join a kid's news television show, where Bart picks up some journalistic shysteristic tricks from Kent Brockman. This leads to the following report:

Joe Banks, eighty-two years young, has come to this pond every day for the past seventeen years, to feed the ducks. But last month, Joemade a discovery. The ducks...were gone. Some say the ducks wentto Canada. Others say, Toronto. And some people think, that Joe used to sit down there, [camera moves to another nearby pond] near those ducks. But it could be, that there's just no room in thismodern world, for an old man...and his ducks.

I can't go on any longer about this episode, as I am exhausted now, butif you want to read the text, it's here. But I will leave you with this passage, which I think is the funniest part of any Simpson's Episode, ever, followed closely by the time when Sideshow Bob performs the entire score of the HMS Pinafore, and Homer's Planet of the Ape's Speech in Deep Space Homer. Hail to the Chef, indeed.

"TV Announcer: The new, improved Kidz Newz...has been canceled! Stay tuned for the Mattel and Mars Bar Quick Energy Choc-O-Bot Hour!-- Okay, nothing but Choc-O-Bots can stop us, "Girly Edition"% The program begins. The Choc-O-Bots are at their command center.Choc-O-Bot: You can count on us, Mr. President. Major Nougat! Gooey! Cocoa! Put down those entertaining Mattel products! Colonel Kataffy is up to his old tricks! Cocoa: Let's power up!"

Gambling wins for the day: $11.25

10-15

Last night after a disastrous Arts Students versus Film Students basketball game, I decided to try using a hair conditioner. There has been a bottle in my shower forever and I put it to good use, following the instructions to the letter.

When I woke up this morning, I found that my hair had more volume than usual and that there was an extra shine.

Then I did some work. And then I thought about going to eat lunch at the Rice and Beans shop down the street, but $4 seemed better spent elsewhere. I cooked some fancy ramen instead and watched Divorce Court. Some Mexican guy was saying that he should have known better than to marry an El Salvadorean woman because Lorena Bobbit is of El Salvadorean descent. Part 2 of that Divorce Court is on tomorrow and I probably will watch it. Then I went to the library to sign my timesheets.

11-09

Natalie Portman's head seems to be expanding in an east-westerly direction. This is too bad. I feel like part of my childhood slips away with every centimeter of expansion.

Is anyone more overrated than Tina Fey? Saturday Night Live hasn't been funny since she took over and Weekend Update is an embarassment. Also, without her glasses, she is not as hot as one might think.

11-8

Last night, our Writing Division basketball team had our first game. Our opponent was seven rabbis-to-be from the Jewish Theological Seminary. Columbia didn't have enough co-ed teams sign up to create a full league, so our team was placed in one of the men's divisions. Here's the box score:

Rabbis: 79
Art students: 38

Catherine Despont: 2-5, 4 points
Adam Kaplan: 2-11, 5 points
Ryan Powers: 4-11, 1o points
Dave Cull: 1-5, 2 points
Jay Kang: 7-23, 17 points

A word in our defense: we were without our two big men and our most athletic player. When they return, I see us coming within ten points of victory. Will I still hoist up shots faster than Vic Page? No dizzle.

I've also been reconsidering my shower schedule. Right now, I shower every day at around 9 PM. While this daily regimen might help keep away odors, it has considerably dried out my skin. In college, I remember going three, four days without showering. To eliminate odors, I would just open the woodburning stove in our house and stand in front of the pleasant pine smoke. Never had dry skin issues then and it took much longer for my hair to get gross.

Moratorium on Food Log

It's been quite some time since I've posted my food log, and I think I'm giving up on the project. It was interesting when I had food poisoning to see how few calories I could keep down and still function, but now that I'm back to putting down my usual foods, the interest has left me.

So for the last time, here is what I ate today:

1 Pork Katsu bento box (included Miso soup, salad, california roll, pork katsu and white rice)
1 chicken tamale
some chips made with lard at the Taqueria y Fonda
2 bananas
1 bowl of Honey Bunches of Oats